I bought a motorcycle. No big deal, right? The thing is, I’d only been on anything larger than a putt-putt once, and that quickly ended in me pinballing between two cars and an impressive case of road rash. But this time I played it smart(er) and enrolled in a motorcycle safety course before I ever did more than start the engine and rev it a little bit.
The class was last weekend... and I get to take it again next spring. Why? Because I convinced myself that I wasn’t going to pass the skills test. Overall, I did pretty good, I started out pretty nervous (of course), but it didn’t take me very long to relax and start to have fun. But then we got to the slalom and weaves. I had a good, old-fashioned freakout and wound up pulling myself out of the exercise for a few minutes before hopping back in. Oh, and let me tell you, U-turns are more than a bit challenging if you’re an FNG. Still, I finished up the first day feeling (pretty) good about things.
And then came Sunday.
Looking back, I’m not sure what it was – maybe the return of the weaves – but within a couple of hours, I found myself wondering how good I had to do to pass the final skills review. Again, I did (mostly) good, but by lunch, how good I’d have to do became wondering how picky they’d be and, by the time of the final review before the test and, no matter how hard I tried to pull myself out of my head, it wasn't happening.
I’d convinced myself that there was no way in Hell I’d pass.
That’s when I pulled myself out of the class. Talking to the instructors, it sounded like they thought I’d pass just fine, but I knew I’d fail, no matter the reality of the situation.
In short, I shot myself in the foot.
After thirty-five years of competitive fencing, I know that once you convince yourself you can’t do something, odds are you can’t. I also know that that doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to, you just need more practice to build your confidence. And, considering I didn’t have to pass the course right then and there - I could retake it, or just take the driving test for my motorcycle endorsement – I decided the best thing for me in that moment was to drop out and try again later. I bought a motorcycle, after all, and I know what I need to work on, so, come spring, I’ll be ready to take the course again.
And this time I know I’ll pass.
P.S. For those interested, I got myself a Kawasaki KLX 300SM and no, it's not as small as it looks in the picture.
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